he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
