can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
