i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Randomize
