I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I am midnight drunk by noon
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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