I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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