Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
