Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i dont even know how to be here
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize