Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
