names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
i think i just lost a toe
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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