cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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