if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
this boner is exhausting
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just found puke in my bra..
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
