i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
