sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
