i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
