i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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