wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
