So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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