My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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