you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
