Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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