I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
