you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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