I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
