you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
