According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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