i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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