Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize