I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
