I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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