Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
