He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
