you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
