when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
