How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
