I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Randomize