Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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