I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
