Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
