I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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