well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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