it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
