And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
