I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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