My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
