I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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