when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
