1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
