I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
