guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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