In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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