i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
