dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
