Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize