I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
