just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
