Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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