i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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