are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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