Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
dude. I can hear the air.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
