just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
