Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize