dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
