It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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