i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
