the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
