If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
