I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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