How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
