I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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