The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
