Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
