okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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