My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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