Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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