I wish I only lived at night.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
