tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
