just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
