What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
