I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
