I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
