I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
