new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
