im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
