So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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