I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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