the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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