I didn't shave. On purpose
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
