He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
