my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
