Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize