he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
