ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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