textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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