At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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