Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm at about main and main street
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
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