There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize