i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
